How To Say Piss Off! In A Flower
by wiffyscoob
Summary: Who knew passive aggression in a flower shop could reap such rewards?


A/N: Awhile back, I was struggling with writing so I went to the tumblr Fanfiction Prompts. The prompt: Person A owns a flower shop and person B storms in, slams a $20 on a counter and says, "How do you passive-aggressively say fuck off in a flower?". Tumblr user koscheiis responded with what flowers would say this in a bouquet, and said anyone was free to use that, so I did!

"How do you say piss off in a flower?"

Before Myka could open her mouth, a $20 bill was slammed down onto the flower shop's counter.

"I can pay more if necessary."

One did not usually see such aggression in a flower shop.

"Uh, let's see..." Myka bit her lip, flustered. While this woman was obviously very angry, she was also stunning. Her glorious raven hair, lovely features, and British accent were all very distracting.

With a little shake of her head, Myka regained her composure. "Well, to be really effective, I think you should send a bouquet.

"A bouquet?!" The woman's voice rose in incredulity. "All I want is some bloody plant or one flower!"

"If you wait just a moment, I will explain it," Myka retorted, feeling annoyed. Being interrupted was a pet peeve, even it was by a hot British woman.

The woman rolled her eyes, and gesturing impatiently, said, "Fine. Proceed."

Myka smirked, suddenly feeling confident and began picking various flowers. "Foxglove signifies insincerity, geraniums for stupidity, Meadowsweet for uselessness, yellow carnations for you have disappointed me, and orange lilies for hatred."

Myka wrapped the flowers up, and said, "The bouquet is really quite beautiful, and-" leaning into the woman, she whispered, "full of loathing."

Retreating from the woman's personal space, Myka felt very proud of herself for creating such a metaphor for passive aggression.

The other woman seemed stunned, but then laughed, seemingly delighted.

"I must say, that sounds exactly what I'm looking for." Now it was this woman's turn to invade personal space, and she confided with amusement, "I certainly would not have believed that YOU would come up with the perfect bouquet for telling someone to piss off."

"I happen to know a lot about flowers!" Myka protested, pulling back from the woman.

How dare this woman question her knowledge of flora and fauna!

"Granted, I'm a grad student right now and this has nothing to do with my area of study. Sure, this is a part time job, but I want to do a good job so I made sure to do a lot of research and-"

The beautiful woman waved her off, and interrupted, "That's not what I meant at all, darling." She smirked, and added, "I meant you look entirely too...nice...too innocent to think of such a thing."

Myka frowned. "Hey! I can be mean!" She tried her best to look mean, but the woman only raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching like she was doing her best not to smile.

"I apologize. I did not mean anything derogatory. In fact, I quite admire the quality of being pleasant, which is something I frequently lack as evidenced by the flowers. But it is much more intriguing to meet someone who is more than meets the eye."

"I'll have you know I am full of surprises, and am certainly not innocent." Myka flushed as she realized she sounded like she was flirting with this woman.

The woman eyed Myka up and down. "Apparently not." Then leaning on the flower counter towards Myka, she asked, "What time do you get off today?"

"What?" Myka replied, thrown by the sudden change in topic.

"What time do you get off today?" The woman repeated. "I should know when to pick you up."

"Pick me up," She parroted. What the hell is this woman saying?

"Yes, darling. From the sign, you close at six, and most likely have closing duties to perform." The woman glanced around the shop, seemingly to size it up. "Considering this shop is so small, I gather no more than fifteen...twenty minutes at the latest, So perhaps 6:15?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"I'm talking about dinner. I know a lovely little Italian restaurant-"

"Are you asking me out on a date?! I don't even know you!" Myka protested, incredulous.

"Oh! Please forgive me. My name is Helena Wells." She bowed slightly. "And your name is?"

Before answering, Myka briefly wondered if this woman was some sort of stalker.

Or maybe she was just one of those overly confident beautiful people who went around flirting and asking random people for a date just because they could get away with it.

Myka realized she instead hoped there was an option three: this woman, Helena, may be one of those beautiful people, but she wanted to go on a date because she found Myka attractive.

Not quite sure how to handle the situation, she replied, "Uh, Myka. My name is Myka."

Helena smiled. "Myka. That is a lovely name." Now she became all business. "How much do I owe you for the bouquet?"

The abrupt break in flirting and return to shop business grounded Myka, who could now concentrate on something other than this sinfully attractive woman who didn't exactly ask for a date...it was more like demanded it.

Who knew working retail could reap such rewards?

"$23.99."

She reached into her pants pocket, and pulling out a wallet, she handed Myka an additional ten to the original twenty still sitting upon the sales counter.

"Keep the change." Helena winked, and turned around. Just before she left, she called out, "I shall be waiting for you across the street at the coffeehouse!"

The door closed before Myka could answer.

She rubbed the back of her neck, wondering what just happened.

Suddenly she decided didn't care; she had a date with a sexy, hot Brit.

Myka grinned as she watched Helena climb into her Bentley and drive off.

Pete would be so jealous.

Digging out her cell phone from her jeans pants pocket, she called her best friend.

"Hey, Mykes. What's up?"

Myka grinned.

"Guess who has a date with a hot British woman?"


End file.
